Today at 9:04AM, precisely one minute after The Great Tillerman of Proper Course fame announced to the world, nay the universe, that the humble and quite deserving Capt. Puffy Pants has been vindicated at long last. While on the surface this may seem like a good thing, poor Honey Bunny did not take the news well and has slipped into a deep depression. She remains catatonic, and keeps mumbling something about this not being over yet and my fat head and giant ego not fitting through the companion way. But enough about her.
I WON, I WON, I WON!
See your mothers were right, if you just tell the truth then every thing will work out for the best. I knew that if I presented my case before my peers that justice would prevail. Anyone could see how Honey Bunny was at fault and under no circumstance could the honorable Capt. Puffy Pants be blamed for landing us in the drink, so to speak.
Putting this whole sordid affair behind us, there is further news. I don’t know if I’m allowed to say anything yet, but I’ve already been approached by several large sponsors for lucrative deals promoting their wares. If you can keep a secret, I will say that our rum drinks are going to be much cheaper for now on. This is all very sudden, but I do have my eye on an island in the Caribbean. You are all invited of course.
I do have some reservations however, I have a confession of sorts. I’m weak. There, I said it. I’m weak. The problem is this. Its only a matter of time before I can no longer go out in public without being mobbed by hordes adoring fans, if you know what I mean. I’ve already heard whispers of a Capt. Puffy Pants admiration and adulation society being formed as I type this. With the ladies throwing themselves at me constantly, it’s just a matter of time before me and Tiger are in the same Boat De Jour. This could be trouble and no doubt the source of Honey Bunny’s depression. She’s inconsolable. I know she will get past this, she is a strong woman. That of course is also what worries me.
For a complete accounting be sure to check out all the great entries at Proper Course, you’ll be glad you did!
Humbly yours,
Capt. Puffy Pants